I can see clearly now the rain is gone

♫ I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. 

 It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day. ♫

🌞

We just came back from a week at Family Camp. 

A week away in New Hampshire with limited cell phone service. 

A week to disconnect from the world. 

A week to be in the moment, not thinking about everything I need to accomplish that day. 

A week to have fun with old friends, and make some new ones. 

A week to seek God, press into the hard places of my heart and receive healing. 

It was just what my family needed. 

It was just what I needed.

I have been feeling so alone. Life has been really hard, and I have struggled with depression. I was believing lies about myself that negatively impacted myself and my family.

I am not a good mother...
I am not a good wife...
I have nothing to offer...
People don't want to be around me...

I am sharing this with you because I believe there is power and healing in sharing our story. I also know that I am not the only one who has felt this way. If I can shine light into just one person's darkness and bring hope, then it is worth the risk of being vulnerable.

2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (NLT) Another translation adds "abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind."

My mind was not calm or well-balanced. I was hopeless and defeated. How did I get to this place? It wasn't overnight. Darkness crept in over time. And before I realized it, there I was- drowning in despair.

If you are feeling this way, let me assure you: That is not what God has planned for your life. And knowing that is half the battle. The other half is where the "self-discipline" comes in.

Here are 3 things I'm committing to so that I can keep a calm & well-balanced mind: 

1. Sing the truth over my life. Music is proven to be a powerful tool in teaching. When we want children to learn something, we put it in a song to help them remember. I want to remember who God says I am. So I am finding verses that speak to my identity as a child of God. Then I'm going sing them. All the time.
   
   (Check out seedsfamilyworship.com. All their lyrics are direct quotes of scripture.)  
2. Make a point of spending time with people. Whether it's chatting with parents at play dates, coffee with coworkers, lunch with friends after church...I have something to offer. (And not just to my boys or the children I teach!) So I'm going to put myself out there and try to not worry about whether I'll get rejected. There are plenty of people to connect with everyday, all around me, and we all have something we can learn for each other. 
3. Be held accountable. I asked a good friend to check in with me periodically to make sure that I am choosing joy and having a right perspective. Having her alongside me keeps me from feeling alone. Also, if I'm going off into negative or unhealthy train of thought, she will encourage me to reevaluate my thinking.

Family Camp was an answer to prayer. I am so thankful that I was able to get this time away before the school year starts. I am so thankful for my friends who called out the lies I was believing. I left those lies in New Hampshire, and I feel like a weight has been lifted. My circumstances haven't changed, but I can see things more clearly.

Raising 3 warriors/superheros/ninjas is hard work. Marriage takes work. Life can be hard, but I know don't have to go through it alone. 

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

♫ ♥ Ashley