If I Could Turn Back Time

This school year is being marked by hymns. In a previous post, I discussed how I plan to use hymns to teach musical concepts (and spiritual ones!) to my students. So far we've covered harmony, dotted rhythms, major tonality, and phrasing with the hymns "Lord, Speak To Me That I May Speak", "In The Bleak Midwinter", and "Love Came Down At Christmas".  I wasn't raised on hymns, but hearing children sing these scripturally rich songs of praise has turned me into a hymn-lover. Confession: I cried when my 5th graders broke into harmony on the third stanza of "In The Bleak Midwinter"! 

Over the past few months, there has been one (modern) hymn seeping its way into every area of my life. "Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher is my go-to song of praise. You can find the full lyrics, video and scripture references here. For now, I just want to highlight a few lines.

Lord, I need You. Oh, I need You.

Every hour I need You.

My one defense, my righteousness.

Oh God, how I need You.

I NEED God. I need Him all the time. I like to think that I have my act together. I've been called SuperMom before, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a smidge of pride over that label. But news flash- I'm no superhero. The moment I start to depend on my own strength is the moment I realize just how un-super I am. Please hear me on this- I'm not saying we should have low self-esteem or be down on ourselves. God says we are fearfully & wonderfully made. (Psalm 139: 14) We are a marvelous work of God! But the Bible also tells us that in our weakness, His power is most effective. (2 Cor. 12:9) So instead of boasting about how awesome I am, I'm going to boast about how awesome God is. Any compliment I receive about my parenting, teaching, singing, songwriting, etc. is really a praise to Jesus for giving me that gift/ability in the first place. 

I am a very sensitive, emotional person. An ENFJ personality. I could be having a nice morning, but on the way to work, I realize that I left my son's school project at home and the next thing you know I'm sobbing in my car. He is going to feel awful when he realizes he doesn't have his project! What a bad mother I am for forgetting! What if he gets in trouble for not having it? Or maybe I had a great day, but then I come home and realize that my husband has left his clothes all over the place. Is it bad to want to come home to a clean house? No. But it is wrong to get angry at my husband, give him an attitude, and just shove his clothes somewhere without telling him where I put it. #welcometomylife  This is why, every hour, I need Jesus. Without You, I fall apart. You're the One that guides my heart. 

About a month ago, my pastor was teaching on Ephesians 5, which happens to contain one of my favorite passages of scripture "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil." (v 15, 16 NKJV). So much of my time has been wasted on things that are not of God- anger, bitterness, jealousy, pride, selfishness, carelessness... These verses remind me that we are called to redeem the time! I'm so thankful that God is in the business of redeeming! As my pastor went through this portion of scripture, he pointed something out that in my 20+ years of being a Christian, I never noticed before. The verses that follow give us directions on how we can redeem the time. Sure, I had my ideas based on what I've read throughout the Bible, but somehow I missed that the next few verses were instructions for "redeeming the time". 

Teach my song to rise to You

When temptation comes my way

And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You

Jesus, You're my hope and stay. 

In verse 19 it tells us to speak "to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord". I don't want another minute to be wasted on foolish things. So, I do a lot of singing! There is power in singing to the Lord, especially in the face of temptation. When my life seems likes it's too much for me to handle, I sing (and cry) and fall on Jesus who is my hope and my stability. I make a lot of mistakes, and it feels like I make the most mistakes as "mom" and "wife". But one thing I can say with confidence is that my family knows that my life is marked by worship. My boys hear me singing to the Lord all the time. I sing worship songs to them before naps and bedtime. The Lord is teaching me how to worship Him in all situations, and this is something that I get to teach my boys. There is nothing that melts my heart more than hearing my babies sing to Jesus- on their own time, for their own reasons, with no prompting. 

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are

And where You are, Lord, I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

So friends, let us open our arms wide and dance in the rain of His grace. No matter where you are or what situation you are in, His grace is sufficient. 

♫ ♥ Ashley

BONUS: For your viewing pleasure, here is my sweet almost-2-year-old son singing with me before nap time. 😍